the amount of repressed and unaddressed thought i have in the back of my mind is unbelievable. i seem to run purely on emotion. im so that terrified of what lies beneith that emotion that ive somehow made myself forget its origins so completely that theyve ceased to exist as expresssionalble ideas. i wish i could gather those thoughts and sort them as i should have done years ago, but i cannot. i am taking up smoking so that hopefully i die before i have to confront myself. so far, my other self destructive behaviour has come to no such conclusion. we'll see what comes of my latest exploits.
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