miseria cantare.

ive discovered two root causes to my low self esteem and lack of confidence in social situations, and friend choices. one: i see myself as a novelty friend, someone who, at the start of a friendship, sparks interest because im "that anorexic, weird girl, who never quite follows the conversation quite the same as everyone else does. scatterbrained. she gets really drunk and really fried, and comes up with quirky shit that noone gets but sounds funny enough to laugh at." then, once i believe my novelty has worn off (though theres not usually an indication of this by my friends, its a self doubt mechanism) i back off and withdraw, and the friend moves on to someone more interesting than i.
secondly: i tend to make friends with a lot of christian people, however i myself am a dirty hethan. the reason for this is that i think i percieve christians as being stupid and petty, and thus, on the same level as i percieve myself.

these are the things i will be altering this month